Nadeera Rajapakse

I remember lying in bed
The night you were at the hospital
Fighting for your life
Thinking nothing prepares you for this.
Suddenly your loved one’s gone
And nothing matters anymore.

I used up my birthday wish that year
Way ahead of time
Praying that you would be all right.
But I guess
In that dark corner of my mind
I always knew that this was it.

I remember humming the next day
Pretending like it was okay
But it wasn´t
It never will be.
I still miss you
Every day.

During the funeral wake
I asked myself,
What happens after this?
What do you do when your loved ones die?
I know the answer now,
You move on
And accept that death is a part of life.

But that doesn´t mean it hurts any less.
I´ve spent days,
Waking up with tears streaming down my cheeks
Just because I dreamt I´ve hugged you
For that one last time.

I won´t be able to see your eyes crinkle
When you smile
Or your dimples
When you laugh
But as long as I´m around
I´ll keep the memory alive.

Dedicated in loving memory of my grandfather, Mr. R. A. Janis (1922 - 2011)