Nervous. Excited. Uncertain. You’ll likely feel all of these emotions when you finally get the call that an expectant mom is interested in meeting you. Although it may seem scary, the birth parent meeting is one of the most important parts of the adoption process. Depending on how it goes, you may be one step closer to becoming a parent. So what can you do to help ensure the meeting goes smoothly? Here are some tips.

1. Resist the urge to impress. You’re not on a job interview, so leave your resume and credentials at the door. An expectant mother wants to get to know you. She doesn’t expect you to be perfect. She wants you to be human and relatable. The more honest and genuine you are, the more likely she will feel comfortable with you.

2. Put yourself in her shoes. Think about what a difficult and painful decision this is for the expectant mother. Be sympathetic and never pressure her. Let her know you understand this is a hard choice and you will respect whatever decision she comes to.

3. Don’t hide your feelings. If you’re nervous, admit it. The expectant mom is nervous too and will appreciate your candor.

4. Ask questions and encourage her to do so. In order to really get to know each other and determine if you are a good match, you’ll need to ask questions. Think about what you would like to know. Why is she considering adoption? What is she looking for in adoptive parents? What are her hobbies and interests? If she hasn’t asked you any questions, find out what she would like to know about you.

5. Be yourself. You don’t need to present yourself as the ideal parent or give her reasons why she should choose you. Simply be yourself. She will make her decision based on who you are and whether or not she believes you are a good fit for her child and her unique situation.

If the match is right, you will hear from her and/or your agency again. Please don’t be discouraged if you’re not chosen this time. Most adoptive parents have multiple meetings before being matched. Remember, this is just one step on your journey to become a parent. The right person will come into your life when and if the time is right.